Last year was an incredibly difficult year. I’m the type of person that huddles up and shuts down when dealing with tough times and so I immersed myself in comics and music while trying to find answers. The books that resonated with me the most were Marbles, Anything That Loves, and basically everything Erika Moen has ever written. I listened exclusively to what I call, “Comfort Food Music”. Music that I’ve loved since I was a kid, but suddenly I rediscovered and found new meaning in the Ani Difranco songs I’d been listening to for 13 years.
When it finally came time to figure out how to tell to the people I love about what I was going through, a comic seemed like the only way I could do it. I could be honest and open without having the stress of talking to people face to face. It gave me a much needed creative outlet, something positive to pour all of my emotions into when nothing else could hold my interest. I put more of me into this project than anything I have ever created.
Sharing this story, publicly, was at the top of my list of New Years Resolutions. After the work of others gave me a new perspective, a sense of understanding, and belonging, I just wanted to be able to give something back. I hope that someone else who is lost will find this comic and that it helps them move one step closer to finding out who they are. You’re not alone.
I am lucky. I am lucky to have the support of my family. I am fortunate to have a fantastic group of friends that I can truly say I love like brothers and sisters. Without their continued love and support, I would never have been brave enough to share this with all of you.
It’s never too late to be honest with yourself.
<3 Erika Greco
Special Thanks to Amy T. Falcone for being my rock along the way, pushing me to finish this comic every time I wanted to quit, and for 5am breakfast at The 5 Point Cafe.
Music played such a large role in the creation of these pages so I included a soundtrack.
(Inspired by the way Chynna Clugston scored her Blue Monday comics.)
All songs by Ani Difranco — YouTube Playlist
- 32 Flavors
- My I.Q.
- Talk to Me Now
- Out of Habit
- Rock Paper Scissors
- Falling is Like This
- Two Little Girls
- You Had Time
- I’m No Heroine
- School Night
- In or Out
- Little Plastic Castle
I know I haven’t blogged in a while. To be honest it’s more than a while. It’s a lifetime. Not in the hyperbolic sense that friends reuniting after months of little to no contact will tell each other “It’s been an age!”, but an actual lifetime. The man I was, the man you knew, the man who started this blog as an outlet for his heartbreak and bitterness. That man is gone. In his place was born a different creature. I have the same experiences, and many of the same opinions. I also have a few things that man had long cast aside; hope, optimism, a balanced sate of mind.
I like to think the change is obvious. That people who knew me then and know me now can see. Like I changed my hair colour, or lost a tonne of weight. I consider the old me almost unrecognisable. I’m also really embarrassed by him. I don’t really remember all of what I wrote in here, but I remember what I felt and what I thought. It’s troubling. If I met me I’d find myself completely insufferable.
I don’t think I’m unique. I’m sure heartbreak has turned many a rational thinking human being into a raving dickbag. I convinced myself that I’d only ever be happy with one person or, tragically, a version of that person. I pined. I whined. I convinced myself that love was dead.
I was an idiot.
I do consider myself lucky. I ran out of steam on my self indulgent streak of misery just in time. If I’d left it even a little later I would have missed out completely on the life I have now. A life I’m thankful for each and every day.
I don’t know how I got so lucky. I fell completely in love with someone, and found a best friend in the bargain. Somebody I can love unconditionally. Somebody I’d happily spend every waking moment with were it possible (and the sleeping ones too). Somebody I want to tell everything to. Somebody I have no secrets from. Somebody who is as happy to listen to my stupid jokes as my well thought out opinions and philosophy. Somebody who I have so much to learn from, and so much to share with.
I spent a number of years convinced that Rob Fleming had the right of it. That it was what you like that mattered more than what you were like. I don’t think that’s true any more.
I know I’ll never deserve the happiness I’ve found. I’ve spent far too many selfish years making myself happy. It didn’t work. I’m going to spend the rest trying to make her happy. If I live long enough maybe I’ll tip the scales towards having been a decent guy after all.
SO MUCH AWESOME!!
I clicked for the Firefly and Buffy and was rewarded with WINTER SOLDIER FUNKO POP. WHICH INCLUDES BUCKY AND NATASHA.
AND AND ALSO GHOSTBUSTERS. AND AND AND UP! (I want them all)
Argh I have resisted these so far but I might need to get Buffy and Spike.
WILLOW AND KAYLEE ARE EVEN CUTER IN TOY FORM :D